Moving...

It is that time...I received the notice on Friday that we have to move and be out on the 23rd. I have done a little crying and got it all out of my system I hope. I found an apartment that is just a hop, skip and a jump from my moms place that I am thinking is the best move all around. The kids friends all live over there from school..and it will be nice to be closer to my family. I started packing yesterday and have done alot of de-junking which has actually been nice and kinda fun. To update on the X moving. He said that he is leaving on Friday and wants to do dinner and tell the kids goodbye. I am sad for them to not have their Dad around..But, right now he is not being the kind of Dad that they need him to be. I know that everything is going to be okay. I have a wonderful support system. All my friends and family are so good to me! We will make it just fine. I am kinda excited to be starting this new chapter in my life...

Lunch....
Ryan called me today and asked me to do lunch. Last night we were textin..in which textin is hard, and not personable, and easy to mis-read. but, he was textin thing's to me that were kinda scaring me off..in which made me sad. because, I was like... here is this good looking guy with his head on his shoulder, no kids, never been married..Funny, dresses well, wants the family life..and he is being too pushy and I in return am going to RUN!!! Well, today at lunch he apologized and said that he understands that I need to take thing's slow..and that I am not wanting him to get to know my kid's until I am ready..he is okay with taking thing's at my pace..ahh..I feel much better now. Dating is so hard. specially when you have been married before and no what you don't want but, are not sure what you do want..well, to a certain level!! for now it is good and I am hoping for more dates and to see where things go...xoxoxo

Ugh...Wondering what life has in store for me? It is starting to get really hard! Last night the X came to visit the kid's after he had been away in Seattle for a week looking for jobs..Well, he came in the house and did not even bother to pay attention to the kids that have been missing him so much..He was trying to start a fight with me..and asking me what I had been doing..I then told him, this is not about me and you. They are right her wanting to see you and spend time with you..he continued to ask questions and then my son told him that I went on a Blind date and he blew up..my daughter told him that it was ok that i was now dating and he told her that she did not need to go with him anymore and he then left and slammed the door. WOW!! it has almost been a year since we have been divorced! I think it is okay that I am dating now and I have had many talks with Braxton and Kenlee about not dating until they are ready. They are now okay with mom being happy! So, anyway...woke up to a text this morning telling me that he does not want to see his kids anymore and to not have them call him..He said when I get married he is no longer paying child support and wants the guy to adopt them. I am so ANGRY!!!! angry that he can hurt them like this..ANGRY that I ever married a guy like him in the first place!! sad that he is going to destroy their lives!! what do I do? I don't know what do tell Braxton when he does not come around..even though I think he is Evil!! I do know that they still need their dad!!! I know that I am very strong..but, It is hard not to cry when I look at Braxton and he asks me questions...and I don't want them to see my sad!! I want them to know that everything is going to be okay!!! We can do this!!!

Blind Date...
TOnight I went on a blind date that my step dad has been insisting that I go on since like Sept. So, last night I got up the nerve and finally went without cancelling the date. It went good..He has a good job, never been married, no kids..clean freak..(like my step dad) which is not a bad thing. The whole time I just kept thinking this is too good to be true...What are your issues? Why have you never been married? That is so not good of me to to. I wish that I could just go with the flow and not read too much into everyone and everything. I am just so scared to let myself fall for the wrong guy, or end up in a bad relationship again. I am just looking for someone that can be my best friend. Who can laugh at me when I do all the stupid thing's that I do. Who will come home and tell me that I am AMAZING!! Who will have fun with my kids..Who can have fun and laugh no matter what we are doing...and just love me for me. SO, I will keep you posted on how this guy turns out...wish me luck!!!

...Another day....
SO, the XHusband said that he may be moving away to Seattle because he can not handle seeing me when he comes to pick up the kid's on the weekends. I am so sad for them. I can not believe that he would make a decision like that and leave them. So for now I am just trying to be positive and making sure that we me and the kid's have alot of fun together and that they are happy and content. I am going to go and look at another place to live today...So, wish me luck!! I should be packing but, I so do not want too. Just been going to the gym and enjoying every day and being happy with my life. I am just going to take thing's one day at a time. I know that I should be dating and trying to find my so called soul mate. But, not really into doing that either. I am liking being able to just do what I want when I want and not having to answer to anyone. That parts is super nice!! One day I will find the right guy. I feel that he will just appear into my life when the time is right!! XOXOXOX

House Shopping..

Yesterday on our way home I was having a chat with my cute kids Because I like to be open and honest with them..well, for what is appropriate for them to know anyway. But, with moving and house shopping I have told them that we will all agree on where we are going to live. And all of us need to feel okay with it and feel safe! SO, I was driving and told them that we were going to our first appointment to look at an apartment just to see if we would maybe like it and have enough room to live...We get close and I am like k it should be right here..They both looked over and said mom they are right there and so UGLY!! We all started laughing..Then both of them were like mom..NO WAY!! We are not living there. Kenlee said the brick is ugly and we can't even paint it...Braxton said and DIRTY!! Ha..Ha..so, we kept on driving...and laughing!! It is going to be very interesting on where we end up and if we find anything that we all like! Cross your fingers!! I am just so happy that I have the cutest kids in all the world! Love them with all of my heart!