Walls

"Sometimes we put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down..."

Why do I do what I do?

SO...It has been almost 9 months since Brock and I have been divorced. Well, since he moved out of the house. Our divorce was pretty quick..Took about one week and we were all done with the lawyer. Anyway, my point is..I have been waiting for 9 months for the divorce papers that were signed by the Judge. Well, yesterday I finally called Brocks lawyer. They told me that they are signed and have been for a while... I just have to pick them up. YAY!!!

I seem to not really want to date for some reason? or I am just too picky..I have friends that ask me out..and people that want to hook me up with their friends..and I tend to just always say no! or, I find a reason not to date them..Why is that? am I afraid of getting hurt? Am I better of just being single forever? Am I just not ready to date? .....

I don't understand myself...A lot of the reason that I got divorced is because I was always alone...and I hate being alone! But, now I do not have to be alone if I don't want to be.. and I choose to be....

I am happy with my life and the way that things are..sometimes it would just be nice to have an Adult to hang out with ..and have fun with....

Callies Birthday

I am soooo HAPPY that it is the weekend and my little sisters Bday party sat!! I just want to tell her that I love her with all of my heart! She is so amazing in every single way!! She alway's gives me the best advice..she makes me laugh when I am sad..She helps me organize my life, my things, my bills..I do not know what I would do with out her in my life!! I look up to her in every single way and I thank god that I have her as my SISTER!!!! But, also I am so happy
that she is my BEST FRIEND!!! I love you Callie and I hope that you have a wonderful birthday!!!!!

DONE!!!

SO...I just want to vent....normally I like to vent on Facebook for advice and help from friends with things..But, I have decided that it is not the place to do that. And I am not going to post my personal business on there. But, this is my blog and on here I am going to write how I feel and what is on my mind! Well, I am sooo FED UP!!! I am sick of my X thinking that he does not have to pay what he is required to pay by his lawyer..He never calls or picks up Braxton and Kenlee..nor does he pick up his other two daughters. Yet, he thinks it is okay to still be in my business and would prefer that I do not date anyone because it hurts him!! Really? Hurts him?? ha..why does he think that we got divorced in the first place? Because he was a never home!! He did not go to family functions and never wanted to be around me and the kids..it was always about what he wanted..and what he wanted to do. Now he has that!!
I am not going to let him hurt my kids..It is one thing to hurt me..but, to hurt my kids I will not let him do that to them!! He called sat which Friday-Sunday is his weekend. He called sat at 4:30pm in which he was suppose to be at the house at 5pm to get them...He called at 4:30 and said he was not coming at all to pick them up. He had too much to drink and was going to bed!! WOW!!!
Then someone that I know very well called me and said that he was at the outlaw that night! Yes, that same night that he should have his kids. Guess that is more important to him. I called him sunday and he told me that it is my fault that he is the way he is!! Ha...I am DONE!! Done with him...done with the bull crap!! and done with him hurting my kids!!!!!!!

Beautiful day...

I am so happy that it is finally warm outside!! I am one girl that needs my vitamin D!!! (ha, ha) My mom and I went walking the trail by our house yesterday and the kids road their bikes. It was sooo nice!! I am starting to like my small new little place and it is starting to feel like home!!

Just being me...

WOke up today with me Vanilla Coffee brewing and Braxton and Kenlee cuddled up to me in my nice cozy bed..We got up and got ready for the morning..and rather then out normal morning rush getting out the door we were able to take our time. They are always so excited to get ready and head out the door to Grandmas house and the bus stop! It is the cutest!

I am doing good now. I feel like I am finally able to move on..It is now real and a new beginning for me and it feels so good to have my own place and to know that I can make it on my own and handle anything that comes my way. I am so thankful that my mom raised me to be a strong and independent woman!! She is my role model and I hope that she knows how much I love her!! I have the most AMAZING family in the world!! We are all so different but, yet when we need each other we are always there to love and support one another.

I am the oldest yet, Callie.. my youngest sister is the most sensitive and always gets her feelings hurt and has a HUGE heart..she seems to be the boss and always takes charge of the situations..Cassie..she is the strong one and the middle child. She has the most logical thinking and is just like my mom! My mom is the ROCK she is so beautiful and AMAZING and she holds everything together. They are all three my very best friends!!

Our new home...

Well, we officially are all moved in to our new cozy little place. We started loading the Uhaul sat at 7am and were all done with the first load at 9:30am. We Rock!!! Braxton and Kenlee love it there. I started decorating yesterday and it is now looking cute. On sat I had a meltdown because I was not liking it so much! Just use to a big house and lots of space..and neighbors I love..and tuns of friends for the kids..but, we are adjusting and they are happy and I am happy to have my mom, Callie, and Jeff right around the corner. It is going to be a fun summer and we will now have lots of bonding time. I know that everything happens for a reason!! I am happy and staying positive and I am so thankful and blessed for all that I have and for all the wonderful people I have in my life!!!