My Life....

Thought that I would blog for a min. Things are going really good..only 12 more days of school, I am so excited to have fun this summer with Braxton and Kenlee. They are growing up so fast. I have them both in Baseball, we have a game every night of the week. It is so much fun to watch them play and I am so proud of them. They make me laugh and smile every single day! Since I have moved I have come to appreciate things a lot more. For instance, my FREAKEN washer broke, so I have been taking my laundry to my moms..I THANK GOD that I have her! she really is my life saver!!! I got a new one yesterday, thank goodness. But, I just now am thankful for all that I have and my love is so much stronger for all the people in my life...Not that I wasn't appreciative of things and people before, I just think that i was so ANGRY all the time I didn't pay much attention to all the little things. I have such a wonderful and amazing family..and the best friends that a girl could ask for..I love ALL of my co-workers and my job..and I have the cutest dang kids in the whole world!!! Sometimes you just need to slow down and take a look around...Life is so much better that way.

Just wanted to say I LOVE My life....I am at such a good place right now!!! WOOT-WOOT!!

Braxton...

I have not blogged for a bit...So, thought I would write about a cute little thing that happened last night. Since we moved into our new place, the church and the missionaries have been at my door almost every day! I gota say they are very persistent!!! So, I decided that it could not hurt anything to let the missionaries in to give Braxton and Kenlee lessons. They have now been coming twice a week and are very cute with them. Braxton looks forward to their visits...Not sure that it is the fact that they are guys and he likes being around guys..or, if he is actually into the lesson..But, last night it was very windy and Braxton woke up scared, he woke me up telling me that someone was breaking into our house...I comforted him and told him that it was just the wind..as I was drifting back to sleep, I heard him saying the cutest prayer that I have ever heard..Blessing us to be safe..he went on and on..It brought tears to my eyes. I am so thankful for both of them!! And so thankful that he has such a huge heart! I do believe that everything happens for a reason.

Bring it....

Awww...The sun is shining and it makes me so happy!! I have been walking the trail with my mom everyday. It has been so nice. School is almost out..Only 28 more days and then we are off all summer long! This year has gone by so fast. I have met some wonderful friends and I am so excited for what lies ahead....bring it on...bring it on..bring it on.....

What am I thinking...

Well, I decided to be a BIG girl and get a second job... so, that I will have extra cash in my pocket...TODAY is my first day of training for that second job. I woke up at 6am and work at my first job until 2:30pm and then have to head strait to my other job after until 8pm...UGH...I am trying very hard to stay positive!! It is just going to be a long day for me! I can do it though..I know that in the long run it will all be worth it! Just when I get home I will need some wine..and a bubble bath...Wish it would be there ready for me when I got home! Ha..Ha..wishful thinking....

Walls

"Sometimes we put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down..."

Why do I do what I do?

SO...It has been almost 9 months since Brock and I have been divorced. Well, since he moved out of the house. Our divorce was pretty quick..Took about one week and we were all done with the lawyer. Anyway, my point is..I have been waiting for 9 months for the divorce papers that were signed by the Judge. Well, yesterday I finally called Brocks lawyer. They told me that they are signed and have been for a while... I just have to pick them up. YAY!!!

I seem to not really want to date for some reason? or I am just too picky..I have friends that ask me out..and people that want to hook me up with their friends..and I tend to just always say no! or, I find a reason not to date them..Why is that? am I afraid of getting hurt? Am I better of just being single forever? Am I just not ready to date? .....

I don't understand myself...A lot of the reason that I got divorced is because I was always alone...and I hate being alone! But, now I do not have to be alone if I don't want to be.. and I choose to be....

I am happy with my life and the way that things are..sometimes it would just be nice to have an Adult to hang out with ..and have fun with....

Callies Birthday

I am soooo HAPPY that it is the weekend and my little sisters Bday party sat!! I just want to tell her that I love her with all of my heart! She is so amazing in every single way!! She alway's gives me the best advice..she makes me laugh when I am sad..She helps me organize my life, my things, my bills..I do not know what I would do with out her in my life!! I look up to her in every single way and I thank god that I have her as my SISTER!!!! But, also I am so happy
that she is my BEST FRIEND!!! I love you Callie and I hope that you have a wonderful birthday!!!!!

DONE!!!

SO...I just want to vent....normally I like to vent on Facebook for advice and help from friends with things..But, I have decided that it is not the place to do that. And I am not going to post my personal business on there. But, this is my blog and on here I am going to write how I feel and what is on my mind! Well, I am sooo FED UP!!! I am sick of my X thinking that he does not have to pay what he is required to pay by his lawyer..He never calls or picks up Braxton and Kenlee..nor does he pick up his other two daughters. Yet, he thinks it is okay to still be in my business and would prefer that I do not date anyone because it hurts him!! Really? Hurts him?? ha..why does he think that we got divorced in the first place? Because he was a never home!! He did not go to family functions and never wanted to be around me and the kids..it was always about what he wanted..and what he wanted to do. Now he has that!!
I am not going to let him hurt my kids..It is one thing to hurt me..but, to hurt my kids I will not let him do that to them!! He called sat which Friday-Sunday is his weekend. He called sat at 4:30pm in which he was suppose to be at the house at 5pm to get them...He called at 4:30 and said he was not coming at all to pick them up. He had too much to drink and was going to bed!! WOW!!!
Then someone that I know very well called me and said that he was at the outlaw that night! Yes, that same night that he should have his kids. Guess that is more important to him. I called him sunday and he told me that it is my fault that he is the way he is!! Ha...I am DONE!! Done with him...done with the bull crap!! and done with him hurting my kids!!!!!!!

Beautiful day...

I am so happy that it is finally warm outside!! I am one girl that needs my vitamin D!!! (ha, ha) My mom and I went walking the trail by our house yesterday and the kids road their bikes. It was sooo nice!! I am starting to like my small new little place and it is starting to feel like home!!

Just being me...

WOke up today with me Vanilla Coffee brewing and Braxton and Kenlee cuddled up to me in my nice cozy bed..We got up and got ready for the morning..and rather then out normal morning rush getting out the door we were able to take our time. They are always so excited to get ready and head out the door to Grandmas house and the bus stop! It is the cutest!

I am doing good now. I feel like I am finally able to move on..It is now real and a new beginning for me and it feels so good to have my own place and to know that I can make it on my own and handle anything that comes my way. I am so thankful that my mom raised me to be a strong and independent woman!! She is my role model and I hope that she knows how much I love her!! I have the most AMAZING family in the world!! We are all so different but, yet when we need each other we are always there to love and support one another.

I am the oldest yet, Callie.. my youngest sister is the most sensitive and always gets her feelings hurt and has a HUGE heart..she seems to be the boss and always takes charge of the situations..Cassie..she is the strong one and the middle child. She has the most logical thinking and is just like my mom! My mom is the ROCK she is so beautiful and AMAZING and she holds everything together. They are all three my very best friends!!

Our new home...

Well, we officially are all moved in to our new cozy little place. We started loading the Uhaul sat at 7am and were all done with the first load at 9:30am. We Rock!!! Braxton and Kenlee love it there. I started decorating yesterday and it is now looking cute. On sat I had a meltdown because I was not liking it so much! Just use to a big house and lots of space..and neighbors I love..and tuns of friends for the kids..but, we are adjusting and they are happy and I am happy to have my mom, Callie, and Jeff right around the corner. It is going to be a fun summer and we will now have lots of bonding time. I know that everything happens for a reason!! I am happy and staying positive and I am so thankful and blessed for all that I have and for all the wonderful people I have in my life!!!

Moving day...

moving day is this Sat.... I went and looked at the new apartment today. It is going to look way cute after I get all my things in. Braxton and Kenlee seem to be excited! It is so crazy how it is all happening so fast. At first I thought that I would stay until the 23rd. Now I am leaving this weekend. My mom and Jeff rented a U Haul for sat all day long so, should be all loaded up and unloaded in one day!! Korey is moving out this sat. Kinda sad for that. He has been so good to me and the kids! I am going to miss him alot! The guy that I was dating told me that I do not give him enough of my time and so, he is going to no longer talk to me. Ha, who in the hell has time with what is going on in my life right now. So, it is for the better! Well, for the most part things are going good and I have wonderful friends and a wonderful family and great support system!!

Moving...

It is that time...I received the notice on Friday that we have to move and be out on the 23rd. I have done a little crying and got it all out of my system I hope. I found an apartment that is just a hop, skip and a jump from my moms place that I am thinking is the best move all around. The kids friends all live over there from school..and it will be nice to be closer to my family. I started packing yesterday and have done alot of de-junking which has actually been nice and kinda fun. To update on the X moving. He said that he is leaving on Friday and wants to do dinner and tell the kids goodbye. I am sad for them to not have their Dad around..But, right now he is not being the kind of Dad that they need him to be. I know that everything is going to be okay. I have a wonderful support system. All my friends and family are so good to me! We will make it just fine. I am kinda excited to be starting this new chapter in my life...

Lunch....
Ryan called me today and asked me to do lunch. Last night we were textin..in which textin is hard, and not personable, and easy to mis-read. but, he was textin thing's to me that were kinda scaring me off..in which made me sad. because, I was like... here is this good looking guy with his head on his shoulder, no kids, never been married..Funny, dresses well, wants the family life..and he is being too pushy and I in return am going to RUN!!! Well, today at lunch he apologized and said that he understands that I need to take thing's slow..and that I am not wanting him to get to know my kid's until I am ready..he is okay with taking thing's at my pace..ahh..I feel much better now. Dating is so hard. specially when you have been married before and no what you don't want but, are not sure what you do want..well, to a certain level!! for now it is good and I am hoping for more dates and to see where things go...xoxoxo

Ugh...Wondering what life has in store for me? It is starting to get really hard! Last night the X came to visit the kid's after he had been away in Seattle for a week looking for jobs..Well, he came in the house and did not even bother to pay attention to the kids that have been missing him so much..He was trying to start a fight with me..and asking me what I had been doing..I then told him, this is not about me and you. They are right her wanting to see you and spend time with you..he continued to ask questions and then my son told him that I went on a Blind date and he blew up..my daughter told him that it was ok that i was now dating and he told her that she did not need to go with him anymore and he then left and slammed the door. WOW!! it has almost been a year since we have been divorced! I think it is okay that I am dating now and I have had many talks with Braxton and Kenlee about not dating until they are ready. They are now okay with mom being happy! So, anyway...woke up to a text this morning telling me that he does not want to see his kids anymore and to not have them call him..He said when I get married he is no longer paying child support and wants the guy to adopt them. I am so ANGRY!!!! angry that he can hurt them like this..ANGRY that I ever married a guy like him in the first place!! sad that he is going to destroy their lives!! what do I do? I don't know what do tell Braxton when he does not come around..even though I think he is Evil!! I do know that they still need their dad!!! I know that I am very strong..but, It is hard not to cry when I look at Braxton and he asks me questions...and I don't want them to see my sad!! I want them to know that everything is going to be okay!!! We can do this!!!

Blind Date...
TOnight I went on a blind date that my step dad has been insisting that I go on since like Sept. So, last night I got up the nerve and finally went without cancelling the date. It went good..He has a good job, never been married, no kids..clean freak..(like my step dad) which is not a bad thing. The whole time I just kept thinking this is too good to be true...What are your issues? Why have you never been married? That is so not good of me to to. I wish that I could just go with the flow and not read too much into everyone and everything. I am just so scared to let myself fall for the wrong guy, or end up in a bad relationship again. I am just looking for someone that can be my best friend. Who can laugh at me when I do all the stupid thing's that I do. Who will come home and tell me that I am AMAZING!! Who will have fun with my kids..Who can have fun and laugh no matter what we are doing...and just love me for me. SO, I will keep you posted on how this guy turns out...wish me luck!!!

...Another day....
SO, the XHusband said that he may be moving away to Seattle because he can not handle seeing me when he comes to pick up the kid's on the weekends. I am so sad for them. I can not believe that he would make a decision like that and leave them. So for now I am just trying to be positive and making sure that we me and the kid's have alot of fun together and that they are happy and content. I am going to go and look at another place to live today...So, wish me luck!! I should be packing but, I so do not want too. Just been going to the gym and enjoying every day and being happy with my life. I am just going to take thing's one day at a time. I know that I should be dating and trying to find my so called soul mate. But, not really into doing that either. I am liking being able to just do what I want when I want and not having to answer to anyone. That parts is super nice!! One day I will find the right guy. I feel that he will just appear into my life when the time is right!! XOXOXOX

House Shopping..

Yesterday on our way home I was having a chat with my cute kids Because I like to be open and honest with them..well, for what is appropriate for them to know anyway. But, with moving and house shopping I have told them that we will all agree on where we are going to live. And all of us need to feel okay with it and feel safe! SO, I was driving and told them that we were going to our first appointment to look at an apartment just to see if we would maybe like it and have enough room to live...We get close and I am like k it should be right here..They both looked over and said mom they are right there and so UGLY!! We all started laughing..Then both of them were like mom..NO WAY!! We are not living there. Kenlee said the brick is ugly and we can't even paint it...Braxton said and DIRTY!! Ha..Ha..so, we kept on driving...and laughing!! It is going to be very interesting on where we end up and if we find anything that we all like! Cross your fingers!! I am just so happy that I have the cutest kids in all the world! Love them with all of my heart!

Sad day...

It is a sad day for me today! I now have a for sell sign in my front yard and I hate it so much. Now Reality has set in. I right now live in my DREAM HOME! I have the best friends and neighbors that any girl could ever ask for. It is so sad for me to think that i have to move and disrupt my children's security of what we have known as home. I am scared to think about moving..and that I am now going to have to suck up my pride and maybe live in an apartment. If it was just me I would be okay. But, I am so sad for Braxton and Kenlee. It breaks my heart that my choice in getting divorced and making myself happy has brought so many changes into their lives. I hope and pray that it all works out for the best.

Field trip with my LITTLE MAN..

Yesterday I went on Braxtons field trip Snow shoeing at the Environmental Center. We had the best time together! We got out snow shoes on and started off on the trail..We hiked all the way up the mountain. We was laughing..and smiling..We got back to the lodge and had a fabulous lunch, made smores at the fire..He sat on my lap and kept hugging me! I hung out with some fun moms..Me and my friend from KindG were there together and remembering how when we were young we use to stay up there and sleep over with our class. The smell brought back so many memories..I am so happy and thankful that I get to share those special times with Braxton. We got home and he said thanks mom! You are such a good mom..and I had so much fun with you today. Awww..melted my heart!!

"The Secret"
So, these past few months have been a little bit CRAZY! My life has taken a whole different direction, and I have been a little negative these past few days..Having to sell my house due to the divorce..Having to find a new place to live has been making me stressed and sad for my children..Bills..X lost his job and can not pay childsupport..Blah..Blah..Blah..Anyway, I have the BEST ROOMATE in the world!! He told me that he has a show for me to watch called "THE SECRET" So, last night I sat down and watched it. He told me that I needed to watch it with an open mind and to take everything in and to put aside my stubborn ways. (lol) Well, I did. I loved it! It made me in such a better mood. It made me realize (not that I did not already know) just had forgotten that your life is what you make of it. If you wake up in the morning and start your day with a positive attitude and go over in your head all that you are grateful for that you have in your life..if you say nice positive things throughout your day, smile and have good energy then good things will happen. It also said that if you want something bad enough all you have to do is think it, post it up on your wall and think about it everyday, picture yourself with it, having it..and eventually it will be yours. I am not one to be materialistic. I just want to be happy, have good people around me and raise my kids in the best way that I can so, that they as well will have good energy and a wonderful childhood. So, as for this morning I am a whole new me!! Thanks to my awesome roommate that has turned out to be a wonderful friend!

I believe in PINK
I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner
I believe in KISSING, KISSING A LOT
I believe in being STRONG when everything seems to be going wrong
I believe that HAPPY GIRLS are the prettiest girls
I believe that tomorrow is another day
and I believe in MIRACLES.
Aubrey Hepburn

My favorite thing while driving to work..

Driving to work and as I look over I see the cute little old man that is the crossing guard by my house, he is there every single morning with a smile on his face..waving at every single car that drives by. I thought to myself he is the cutest ever! It takes a really neat person to stand on the corner rain or snow..smile at everyone and wave, and make sure that all of our children are safe walking to school each and every day. I love that cute little crossing guard. He makes my day brighter everytime I see him and smile and wave!

Callie Ann.

My sister is THE BEST for fixing my blog.
I love her and her beauty, brains, and great computer skills.

:)

I like where I am...

Driving to work today..blasting my music as I usually do..I thought to myself,I really like where I am right now in my life! I have no idea where I am headed and I just live my life day to day..But, I am happy for the fist time in a really really long time. I can finally breath. I don't feel anxiety. I wake up to my kid's with a smile on my face each and every morning...Love where I am today!

Night time at our house..

Night time at our house is quit the chore...Kenlee being 6 years old is very into routine and has a O.C.D. I on the other hand very opposite of that. I try to stay on a schedule for them and be a good mom. But, I tend to like to fly by the seat of my pants and just go with the flow..Braxton who is 9, now with Brock being moved out Braxton is the man of the house and thinks that he is my BOSS! They are the cutest and I love them with all of my heart! So..as our nightly routine starts lastnight..It is 8pm and hate to admit that they are both sleeping in my room because they are scared at night. As 1 hour goes by of me trying to be patient and nice..and telling them to go to sleep. I am now at the point that I am angry and tired! I start yelling and tell them... " GO sleep in your own rooms! " ( in which they should be doing anyway) Braxton says to me..Mom, why do you hate me? Why do you not want me to sleep in here and snuggle with you? I thought to myself..Why would he ever think that I hate him? Broke my heart!!! I then started to cry and told them both that I will be calm and keep my cool. Braxton said yes, I think that you need to learn to control your anger like I do! Ha..I huged them both and told them how much that I love them! Made me stop and think what it does to them when you lose my patience...I never ever want them to feel that way again!

So...Here I go...

I have been reading blogs at my desk at work when all of my work is done of coarse! My little sister Callie ( that should be the big sister) Well, she inspired me to start a blog. I am 32 years old and currently divorced. I have two children and my life and world is always CRAZY!! All of you that know me know that. It is never boring if you hang out at my house. Anyway, I thought that it would be alot of fun to write about my crazy life...and all the fun things that happen with me and my cute kids!